Bipolar Disorder and Splurging

Photo by Frank Cone on

Hello, lovelies! o(*^▽^*)┛I wish you a happy New Years’s and all those epic Winter holidays. I celebrate Christmas. I even dreamt that Santa was flying around the sky through my window. Both reindeer and mythical gift bearer seemed very happy despite only having one reindeer haul his jolly fat person, though after watching Violent Night I would call Santa more bear-like than fat.

Anyway… holidays can be challenging for us bipolar humans. I mean I have closer to ten siblings than I have to four just to be vague. Thats a lot of people. My Ma organizes the thing so that we do a secret Santa using an app called Elfster. I did not exactly do the best at sticking to the budget of no more than $25 dollars… or I purchased three small things (socks, stickers, and a customized accessory.)

I bought all my friends, family and myself a book from Barnes and Noble. That equated to thirteen books. That was over $200… plus the $28.45 for secret Santa’s three small things 😬. Do not ask who its for it is top notch secret.

What was the damage? Now, I am living paycheck to paycheck and I am still spending…

The question is are relationships more important than money every time? Well, it depends on your morals and interests. I value things … and I need to narrow on what the most important things are.

Like my brother looked at his book and its been untouched in the same spot by the Christmas tree since. It is not worth it. No one else can use it. He won’t use it. I bought a $22 useless dead tree!

On the other hand, I have to understand that out of all the people I got gifts for, only three gave me a gift back… and so yeah…

I bought reusable straws to help animals. But I have so much anxiety about money. For example, I am not in debt but I have very little independence and I am not a teenager, much older.

I am working and going to school as a student. And yet instead of a roommate I have my same family.

What I want more than anything is to invest, but the time is not really opportune. Instead, I have been saving. I use my paycheck including holiday raises hours to move 30% of my income to my savings account for at least a smidge of interest.

How? Well… I keep track of each pay day and each individual sum of my weekly pay will be multiplied by 0.3 and then the sum will be transferred to my savings.

How much do I have? Not enough… ;-; I have under $10,000 in the savings… which is the goal.

Do you have siblings that are prone to steal your money? Hide it in between book pages or inside of your underwear drawer so they will never look there. Where do I hide my money? In none of those places. But I could be lying, you have to be secure in creative when it comes to hiding money.

Once, I saw a show, an anime, called Blood Blockade Battlefront in which Leonardo Watch had told a friend that he was not robbed all his money because he hides different sums throughout his person. Say $10 in the right sock, $20 in the left, and $50 in the right pocket… and so on.

What is the category I spend most of my money on? Entertainment.

Why? I am an INFP. I like things like books, including subscriptions like Page One and yeah thats $192 for nine months of one book per month. And I like impressing my boyfriend, so I spend money on things I can get for free like Centr offering recipes (any website under the search “healthy recipes”) and workout guides (Youtube.) I need to stop.

I began meditating. Has my spending changed? No improvement. But I am more environmentally friendly. I decided not to buy groceries anymore because I always waste the food… but I still buy stuff at the groceries like bar soap (Dove) and bar shampoo (I will pay more attention to the brand but it works and smells like vanilla.)

I discovered running makes people less anxious thus it makes them spend less money on healthcare and stuff. So… I ran 4 miles this week! So happy and proud of myself.

I do know these attacks of buying happen when I am up, or manic. And, as a Bipolar type one rapid cycling, this does not happen exactly rarely. I seldom have a day when I do not become an entrepreneur or write down a list of desired subscription’s, the devil.

Subscriptions are the devil

How many subscriptions do I have? Well… I cancelled this blog (free), One Page, Centr, and Finch but I still have a repeat donation to a life you can save, AMC Stubs A-list, and probably more I do not know about. Plus, my parents are under the heat from Stickii, Silk and Sonder and Funimation, all of which are toward my benefit.

So… A LOT. How much money are those lets say 9 including all of them. Ahem *cracks knuckles*

  1. $10
  2. $25
  3. $10
  4. $7.48
  5. $9.99
  6. $3.75
  7. $13.00
  8. $3.33
  9. $20

This all equals $102.55 ONE-HUNDRED AND FIFTY-FIVE CENTS!11!!!1

You can do the math and see how much that is a year.

The angel is listening to your body

Does your body say “gee, I do not feel like going to this movie and eating baby back ribs amount of fat of popcorn,”? Listen! It will leave you in regret if you just spend. Meditate. You can put things back on the shelf. You do not have to keep it return it before you buy it, return it after you buy it, you do you!

I’ve cried tears because of the pain of overspending and living with my parents is making me sick. I will be aggressive and start to work harder.

Cut your expenses!

Up that income!

Load that deposit!

Invest if you get there but I am not there!

Be aware, track your spendings!

Write your spending in a book. All of it every cent. Make goals in the same book. I will recommend clever fox budget book.

Thank you lovelies,

With warmth,

Buttercup (her/she)

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