Buttercup’s stories time for covid-19 broken social scenes (listen to their music!)
Angelica and Hyacinth
The first time I made friends, they lasted until I moved out of town but we three started our potent and buzzing friendship in kindergarten and exchanged lunches despite the anti-allergy rules. Until in middle school where we all went in three separate directions like our/my favorite 2010s band One Direction. (Harry is my favorite to this day.) Those two girls were amazing, fun, adventurous, brave, smart and loyal. I would describe myself as the shy yet brave one. I would do the dumbest stuff (brave) but I was quiet and did not speak much in class (shy.)
I still have our e-mails… well not really but I remember writing them. We used G-mail to arrange sleepovers before Apple. I kept a diary I knew those girls read secretly about all our adventures. I could tell Angelica all my secrets, but Hyacinth was left in the dark, thin trust after she threatened to rat me out about my D mark on my report card. I told Angelica that I had a crush on a boy… and I spelled his name wrong on the G-mail… bahahhaa.
When did we slip out of touch?
Well… it began when (*code name*) Angelica told me about the song Waves by Mr. Probz link to song and how it reminded her about how homework from her cursive obsessed all girls’ private school handed her created less time for fun and more time for work. The lyrics address drifting off friendships…
Then the situation spiraled into spits of piss and vinegar, a little fire to the mix. (*Code name*) Hyacinth wrote a letter using a page from my binder and my pink pen about how our friendship, though important, was ending, and it was officially an endangered species worth protecting.
We decided to meet once a month.
They may have stayed in touch but I left for my new home.
There is more. I reached out to them when I was having manic episodes, or maybe it was grief, whatever the mentality I was panicked. I was ruined. Angelica did not mind. She just was compassionate and answered all my blabber with whoah okay? 😊
… Hyacinth on the other hand… I regret my actions. I won’t go into detail but I took a step over the line and texted not only her friends asking if she was okay with her eating disorder but I pleaded with her mom on Facebook about how much I needed to talk to her unhappy daughter… unhappy due to my dumb yet brave and also unconventional way of reaching out. To make matters worse, before I reached out to her mom… I used my other accounts to apologize to Hyacinth. Now all my accounts are blocked. For the record, Hyacinth is blocked too.
I made a new account for a fresh start and Insta recommended her acc depicting an adorable big-eyed puppy of the same breed as her childhood dog. I instantly ignored it. Not blocked it… just recognized my pain and spent no time ruminating.
It was painful to lose Angelica in a different way. With her, there was no regret only loss and mild annoyance that I don’t have my cinnamon roll to talk about anime with… though that was my thing… she likes that Orange is the New Black show and Friends. I regret watching none of them I suppose … but really I just feel woozy thinking about how much fun we had.
I did see Angelica’s Be Real and my jaw dropped… she is beautiful. I considered reaching out but I am thinking that ship has sailed.
I know. This person’s code name is Burn. So… this person is the same character from my post titled sharing MY writing with My friends. Basically, we fell out almost as fast as we formed our friendship which is why I am still fresh and confused. Have I matured since my first friendship breakup? Yes, but I was sadly toxic in this play-by-play of a crumbling friendship.
First. Was the discords.
We argued about hedonism. They like it. I lied and said I liked it, they truly like it.
But it got weirder. My therapist even asked me if I think about them all the time… I’ve already had two nightmares about them… one nightmare I was at a sushi restaurant and I could not find the library and they were there.
The next nightmare they were talking to our coworker about fear and then Burn caught me eavesdropping and told me to get lost.
How was I more mature?
I was one of the first to realize I was being dumb and inconsiderate so I unfriended them on discord and deleted their contact.
Then I went back and requested them again because Burn’s settings do not allow non-friends to message them. Unexpected.
After a while, I gave up on discord and undeleted their contact from the cloud.
They left my text unanswered about how my therapist freaked me out about how I could think about a new friend too much so I disappeared. Hell… I even quit my job to see them less. But that did not last long and good Boss called me back with a second chance.
○( ＾皿＾)っ Hehehe…
Then, Christmas came. I had bought them a gift before I realized we were ex-friends. Awkward! I was mature and delivered it. Then I ran away and never said so much as Hi again.
A thing I relate to is a scene in a movie called Meet the Robinsons when the Bowler hat guy said this.
In a while lovelies,
Buttercup ( •̀ ω •́ )✧
It gets better I have friends who I can depend on and plenty of dreams to outdo my nightmares.
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