Reflecting with Balance

What have I chosen to do with my time over the pandemic? Well, many things. You know I was sad like most of us. Sad like being locked in a room with a psychotic rat with a cheese grater, sad. There was something new upsetting every hour. In the early morning, I would get bad news about the weather, by lunch I would run out of time to submit class notes, and then come dinner I would have to eat overcooked beef; I prefer chicken.

How did I poof up some cheer? First, I made playlists on Spotify. I cling to things that embarrass me because these things should not be taken seriously, or at most that are what flies out of the mouth of everyone I broach the subject too. What is the subject? Well, I base the Spotify playlists on MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.) It is my hope that maybe if I do playlists like these, and I listen to them while I try to blog, people might like it like how people see themselves in things so abstract they do not even exist. Does Hogwarts exist? No. Do Ravenclaws exist? YES! I am a dual-enrolled Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. My wish is silly. But I must confess I feel like an island everywhere I end up planted.

An example, I was visiting with my five siblings (I have six in total but my one and only sister had been absent so there I listened to all of my five brothers. I know. Thank you for feeling bad for me.) Anyway, I love my family. But as an autistic individual who is still finding my place in this upside-down world, well I stick out like a sore thumb. How do I explain how I have been feeling for the past 21 years of my life? Well, as I ascended that staircase to my bed chambers, my ears picked up my eldest brother fondly speaking of my brothers as young children growing up. In the moment, I longed for the same treatment. But reflecting on it, I realized I had already been spoken fondly of as a child. Specifically, my mom had told the family about the princess Belle dress that I had loved. I wore it for days straight and the best word to describe it was crusty and in need of washing.

Besides catching up with family and all that music collecting, I went a little crazy with the apps on my phone. Like, I downloaded 2 mood tracker apps, 3 self-improvement apps, 5 language learning apps, and even 1 romance app for me and my boyfriend to play together called paired. But that is boring.

What really excited me was putting down all the technology and grabbing my nearest book and poking my nose in it for hours on a cozy couch with a mug of green tea dressed with coffee creamer, and oat milk (gotta keep it plant-based.) It did not matter how sunny, nor gorgeous, warm day it was outside, I would never have anywhere to go so I would just sorta smell glue and pulpy paper. One of my favorite items I got for my birthday is this book club purposed “My reading list” finished book recorder. I’ve already read two books cover to cover since. Because of my silly habit of reading a dozen books at once, there are already so many more on the way.

Now that the pandemic is over, I still feel its effects because my boyfriend has gone off to college and I cannot see him in person, just like during quarantine. So I am doing it all over again.

Butter says bye! Love yall.

Sorry for the orange text, making it Halloween-like.

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